My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
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i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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