I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
