He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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