Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
