dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
