Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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