I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
