M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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