Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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