Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
