You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
