saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
