just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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