i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
