new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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