My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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