Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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