Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
