I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
