5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
