Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
