I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize