So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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