I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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