I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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