Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
