In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
two words...techno handjob
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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