I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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