Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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