Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
