Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
