Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
