so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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