I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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