i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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