i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
