I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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