Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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