i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize