I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
