..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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