if only i could text you this smell
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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