i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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