There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
