I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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