Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
