someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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