God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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