Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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