Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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