What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
