K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
