just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
