I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
as a side note pls kill me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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