I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize