i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
