READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
