i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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