Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
