i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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